Friday, September 7, 2012

36 weeks

I am one week further along in this pregnancy than when I delivered Zenock...
My Dr doesn't think  I have much longer... Thank goodness!!  Maybe a week or two at the most...
I am so glad this pregnancy is almost over.  It has been way different from my last one. 

I hate complaining about pregnancy and promised myself I wouldn't complain about something that I am so lucky to experience.  When we were trying to have another child after Zenock and I experienced three miscarriages and another one after Kamden. I would often read others complaints about their pregnancy and would cry because I wanted to have all those aches and pains they were complaining about, but there was nothing I could do about it.  I made the decision then and there I wouldn't make my pregnancy a big deal except to myself and my little family.  I didn't want to offend anyone or make anyone who couldn't have kids hurt more than they had to.  The feeling of frustration is something my heart knows very well and even though I can't say I know the deepest depths of what some go through... it hurts no matter the level.  Pregnancy is something I cherish at the moment, but am sure glad when the moment is over.  It IS a big deal, bringing a child into this world is a huge deal and I will never take being pregnant for granted.

Regardless, there are moments when I do complain (mostly to my husband) and lay awake at night tossing and turning because everything hurts, I have a million thoughts running through my head, I just can't sleep, I have major heart burn, my back is killing me, and I feel like my baby could drop out of me any second.  Friends... I walk with a waddle.  (Too much information?!?)  I'm pretty sure it's just the normal when it comes to being pregnant.  I wouldn't change any of it.

This pregnancy has been a lot more like my first pregnancy.  I feel way more stressed out all the time and overly emotional.  I swear I can't talk to someone or watch a movie without crying.  I'm constantly tired and drained from every ounce of energy.  By 9pm, I can barely keep my eyes open and by 9:10, I'm out.  Life seems just a bit more difficult this time around... or at least it seems so in my head.  (Maybe, I'm getting old.)  I've felt better the last couple of weeks- Thanks to my parents, good friends, and sisters who just let me vent and cry it out.  Because, really there isn't much else to be done at the moment.  I am ready for this baby. =)


I was at Target putting my bags in the car and had one child buckled in and was finishing buckling the other when a Mom and her nine/ten year old daughter were next to me putting bags in their car.  The daughter pointed to me and said, "Mom, do you see that lady... She already has two kids and is having another one..."  The Mom looked at me laughing and said, "Did you hear that?" and we both laughed.  I commented something like maybe I am crazy... The girl then put her hands on her hips and with MAJOR attitude says, "I just don't think you can handle three kids."  The Mom went silent and I just smiled at her, held my tongue, and made some sweet comment, and climbed in my car.  

Yeah... Sometimes, I think that too dear girl.
Lots of thoughts are swirling through my head at the moment.

Ooohhh... If you could only hear the comments or see the looks I get daily when we go out in public.  Apparently, anything more than two kids is inappropriate.  

The other day while in the grocery line I was dealing with both my children, nothing out of the ordinary... just normal stuff.  (I would even say they were being good- better than normal.)  The cashier looked me up and down and said, "And you're having another one?" 

Some of the comments I have to just laugh off.  They are meant to be innocent, but really???

An old man stopped me in the Produce Section, pointed to my stomach and said, "You know you are pregnant?" 

I promise I know.

A friend said, "You know I haven't seen you in a long time when you are a lot bigger than the last time I saw you."  or another, "You are huge!"

Yup, I'm feeling it too... but, so glad you pointed that out. =)

Let's not forget the comments from my husband, but he knows where his bed is if he goes too far...

There are moments when I wonder if I am crazy for having three kids, but then I remind myself that life is better with them than with out.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  It is my choice.  They just don't understand the reward of seeing how cute they can be when they are playing nicely, saying "Thank You," learning something new, giving you kisses and cuddles, or sleeping peacefully in their bed at night.  I love sneaking in to watch my kids sleep.

People don't understand that in twenty years I will be surrounded by my kids and grand kids and living life to the fullest, while they sit at home with nothing. =)

I love my children.  Love my life.  I am so grateful for being able to have kids and being able to enjoy them.  There are so many things I could say, but they have been said before.  I just feel lucky.  Even though, I feel like a cow out and about these days and get comments and stares, and jaws that hit the floor when I tell them that technically I am not due until OCTOBER... I know how truly lucky I am for the almost three special little boys I have been given.  I am so excited for this little guy to get here and to see how different his personality is from his brothers (who are completely opposite).  I am so excited to sit through the winter months and snuggle and hold my sweet boys and to have them close.  I am so excited to watch my three boys grow and become each others best friends.  Did you know boys were made for Moms... I am one lucky Mama. 


I am also so excited to wear clothes that actually fit me.  You know things are bad when you start to outgrow your maternity clothes... who does that!?  Maybe, I should lay off the ice cream snickers bars, the cheesecake brownies, and the .... =)

(34 weeks.  Picture courtesy of Zenock the photographer. =)


Ryan Reeder said...

Ah Carin,--I love you. Good luck with the final stretch.

Shannon said...

I am soooo feeling the exact same way as you are right now:) You look great, you gotta love people's comments! Can't wait to see that little man of yours!

Lee Family said...

I outgrew my maternity clothes too. Haha!!! I know people's comments are hurtful. I got tons of that during my pregnancy. I think it just helps us have more empathy for others during pregnancy. I know I won't ever tell someone their about to pop...I heard that for a whole month solid. :) So happy your almost done...the next couple weeks will fly by and you'll get to meet your new baby boy.

Kari said...

Carin, FIRST COMMENT - You are NOT big!!! You look great especially for this being your third child. I hear and have seen many women who are MUCH bigger than you. I know that doesn't change how you feel but just know that. Second - Thanks for your post. I think we ALL get to that point in our pregnancies that we are just ready. I think it's all part of Heavenly Father's plan. This way you are not more comfortable with just keeping the baby inside than dealing with the sleepless nights and everything else with a newborn. Hope all goes well. I guess we'll see which one of us ends up having our baby first!! Good luck, Kari

Shennie said...

Zenock did a great job as photographer! And I love your flip flop tan line :)

I feel your pain and annoyance... I'm glad you can see the bright side of things too, like snuggling up with your little ones.

Good luck with the delivery!

Heather said...

You look adorable!